AiDil ShaDows

Dis is me

2008-03-27T06:08:00.000-07:00

This is wat i love and love wat im doin
I like to live in my own world
Fuck regular life
Im told to enjoy every moment,Every hour, Every minute
Thats wat i do every day
Why should i take life so seriously
I just want to do wat i like to do
Being far from reality
Cos i cant stand society
Its my own world i just want to hear the music
I think the whole system fucking sucks
Everybody working their fucking ass out during the week
Getting totalli fucking stressed out
So wats wrong and wats rite
I live for the world
I live for hardstyle
I live for you baby

Die

2008-03-17T07:03:00.000-07:00

Wtf (Waking The Fallen)

If onli the dead could come back to life
I would surely bring back my cousin
It has almost been two years already since he died
Im so sad
Well I was still immature then
I believe I have grown a bit
Not just physically but mentally too
I became more wary of the people around me
I analyze them bit by bit hoping to get to know them better
But im still not good at communicating with lads
Actualli im afraid of offending the lads
Becos I think i talk kinda rude
Even to my parents but WTF do i care
Sometimes I talk too much
But actualli I talk to either keep myself awake in class
Or Im just bored
Thanks for reading this lame post buhbye

My blood is so cold

2008-03-13T06:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was fun
Me and brother went riding
Den we were chased by 4 bikes
One of them fell
So the rest stopped
And we ran away
HAHA

Theres a ghost in my house
Who always disturb me wen im sleeping
Maybe the ghost wants a fren to play with
But at least dont disturb me wen im sleepin
I hope the ghost is gone

I spent the whole day today doin nothing
I know i should be revising last year's topic or doin my homework
But im kinda sick
I coughed out blood this morning
I hope i get better
but WTF i dont care

I wrote this

2008-03-07T07:41:00.000-08:00

ONE LIE

The words that came out
From my mouth last night
Was only a lie
The biggest lie ever told

I had changed the world
I had changed my life
But nothing i said could change you
Nothing i said did anything to you

Just living was simply hard for me
But i never gave up
Cos when i see ur smile
I can feel the pain is ending

Life is great
If its real
That lie i told
Was unforgettable

I never wanted to do this
Especially not to you
Because its hurting you
But im killing myself...tonight

What is wrong???

2008-03-07T07:27:00.000-08:00

My results were bad
Not as bad as last year actualli
MY combined humanities increased a lot
Frm the usual 20+ to a 44
My chemistry is getting worst
I dont even understand anything

My frens are having a chalet next week
Shld be having lots of fun
But notin would be better than spending time with HER
Seriously, some pple say she have a boyfren but so wat
Pple always tell me this
If a married couple can get divorced
An engaged couple can get separated
Why cant a normal couple break their relationship

I dont like her, I love her
But if she is not for me then fine

HAPPY ENDINGS
not always have happy beginning
And I apologize to all my frens because im not goin to GPA
i have something important to do

Fuck that yeah

2008-02-28T06:16:00.000-08:00

Guess wat???
My birthday was yesterdae
and no one from my family even said happy birthday
Thats all

Great weekend

2008-02-25T04:21:00.000-08:00

I enjoyed the weekend soo much. Especially the BBQ.
Guess wat... Its has been a long time since i saw my cousin and I saw her last Saturday and she's like SOO hot.
Too bad we're 1 family damn.
My mom bought lots of stuff last SAt..
Our house now looks better but much more cramped..
My uncle was rite
It doesn't matter if u earn more or less
If u r grateful for wat u have, u wont have any problem in life
Im quite grateful but i still have problems
Not with my family anymore but with school life
I cant seem too concentrate
Its sux to understand something and totalli forget about it the next day
And I hate to see those pple who acts like a gangster but is not
Im not a gangster and i try my best not to be one
But sometimes my dressing makes me look like one
I especially hate to see pple wearing bright coloured skinny jeans with striped long sleeve shirt
Wat are they trying to show???
I dont mind gerls wearing skinny jeans but BOYS???
So far i've worn skinny jeans onli once and threw it away the day i bought it
Singaporean truly have fashion issues dont ya think???

Cos i cant feel my face
I wont struggle on
In a world soo cold
In a world so wrong

Im not running away but it is so long
Such a price that we make but we have to be so strong
CAnt take my life tonite
Cos i have the rite to die how i wanna

We gotta to BE SOO STRONG...IN LIFE

2008-02-18T05:11:00.000-08:00

U know... I promise all my frens that if im with u i would quit smoking...
But then i learned that u smoke too...
Den i promised that I would change my whole behavior wen im with u
But thats never gonna happen rite
Its ok
I am AiDil afterall

Guess wat happen today???
I know that its illegal to write about ur teacher but i dont care being sued
That bitch is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not fair
just bcos of her FAVOURITE student being sick
She DONT WANT TO GIVE US BACK OUR PAPER
ALTHOUGH MORE THAN HALF OF THE CLASS WANTS IT
I F-ing hate that bitch
SHE DONT EVEN KNOw OF ALL THE PROBLEMS IM HAVING befORE
AND WANTS ME TO DO ALL THE HMWK SHE GIVEs
Imagine other students were sick
Would she even care
OBVIOUSLY NOT

And a word to the wise when the fire dies
U think its over but its just begun
Cos u've had my heart
At least for the most part
Cos everybody's gonna die sometimes
We fell apart
Lets make a new start
Yeah-ey-yeah
Bla-bla-bla

Brompton Cocktail

2008-02-17T05:55:00.000-08:00

Cry alone, i've gone away
(yup im alone and im staying away from u)
No more nights, no more pain
(NO MORE PAIN??? IM ALWAYS IN PAIN)
I've gone alone, took all my strength
(I went jogging alone today an im damn tired)
I've made the change, I wont see u tonite
(...)

Why the hell am i writing this things????
Life's been great, i guess.
I finally realized that im stupid
Im trying to achieve the impossible
Well thats life
I cant believe Arsenal was thrashed by Man U
I even cant believe Arsene Wenger fielded Armand Traore and Justin Hoyte
they both suck
i've seen better players in Singapore than those idiots
Hmmm... why am i updating my blog???
I wish i could turn back time..
I wanna get bad grades for my PSLE
So my parents wont be expecting high grades from me
I also wished i choose not to go school at all
Do you know my parents asked me if i want to go school anymore or not last year???
I said no at 1st den i thought again...
Going to school is the onli way i could see her...
Den i told my parents i changed my mind...
And look.. 100% attendance so far
My B'dae in another 10 days...27 Feb
And im goin to celebrate it twice
But none on the day itself
23 Feb and 1st March
On 23 Feb im goin to my aunts house...For barbecue and play tennis
Den on 1st March im goin to play bowling with my family and frens
And the oncoming Friday im goin to play bowling too
Din is goin to NS
Im goin to miss him
Anyway sori for this long but lame post
I feel down this few days
Kept coughing blood

:)smile guys
I wish i could fill this world with happiness and laughter
But im out of time
Thanks for reading
<3 AyeDeal

Im BaCk!!

2008-02-01T03:56:00.000-08:00

It has been a LONG time since i wrote. I have no idea wat to write anymore.
A month has passed since I last played football. Now thats a long time. Everyday i do the similar routine. Go to school, go home, play some shattered galaxy... And of cos listen to Avenged Sevenfold.
Cant believe they have a new song called 'Crossroads'
Its quite different frm the rest of the new songs.
Its more metal, more headbanging. HAHA
Guess wat
I reduced my smoking to onli a maximum of 3 sticks a day!!!
Isnt that great???
I used to smoke like a pack a day but now onli 3 STICKS
And soon I'll be sure to quit(unless GOD forbids) haha
And my cure is simple...
Play more games especially Shattered Galaxy I owned it there
Anyway Shattered Galaxy need more pple to play it
Try it. Its great.
Tmr is a Saturday but i still have school. Doesnt that sux???
Tmr my football practice we gt a visitor.
One of Singapore's national team coach...
Too bad I cant come. Damn its like my most biggest opportunity.
Im not saying that im good its just that not alot of people want to be a keeper these days..
Guess thats all i can write now
Crossroads:
I've been traveling for so long, so lost till I stumbled upon
Two roads in front of me I had to take my time
To the right I can see a church, I took a step in that direction first
But to the left there was a watering hole where they were whisky drunk and now that's where I wanna pray

So far down here just holding on

If I was perfect then this would be easy
Either road is plausible on both I could drown
I walk through the center with no rules to guide me
I realize its difficult but now I can see

There's gotta be another way to go, a way that's much more feasible
A combination of all these lies, to set your path without choosing a side
I make decisions one at a time and no I never say I'm always right
I'm confident that when I stand on my own you'll see the truest form of a man when I'm shining through

So far down here just holding on

If I was perfect then this would be easy
Either road is plausible on both I could drown
I walked through the center with no rules to guide me
I realize its difficult but now I can see
Oh I hear it now, all the religious rhythms

The left isn't better, its just more of the same
Condemning all these people for what they believe
I'll climb to the top of their mountain again
No one is going to save me this way
And the closer to the top I get the more they take aim
But I'm not you, I may not be perfect but I've always been true
I may not be worthy in your eyes
Climb up from the bottom for the last time,
the last one, the last one, the last time

If I was perfect then this would be easy
Either road is plausible on both I could drown
I walked through the center with no rules to guide me
I realize its difficult but now I can see

Dumb or wat???

2008-01-09T04:06:00.000-08:00

I did 2 things after school today. One was watching Letters From Iwo Jima and another was watching Flags Of Our Fathers.
Well both movies was about the war at Iwo Jima.
Both movies touched my heart.
One movie was about the war on the Japanese's perspective and another was on the American's perspective.
I didn't knew that the Japanese was brave, loyal but dumb at the same time.
Committing suicides just for honor for the emperor.
While on the other hand the Americans was overconfident that they had the upper hand in the war but resulted in lots of casualties.
But the most important thing i learn t is that we have to do the right thing... just because it is the right thing to do..
And i know whats the right thing for me to do now..
Study for the O's is a thing but winning her heart is much more important.
She has been on my mind since the 1st day i saw her.
But.........................
I know my chances are slim.
Who cares.
The Japanese chances of winning is slim too but they still carried on fighting because its what they believe.
And i believe I can do it..
Watch A little Piece Of Heaven by A7x
Support Them, Love Them, Admire Them, Be Them

2007 review

2007-12-31T21:27:00.000-08:00

2007 had been a great year but most saddening year in my whole life. I learnt lots of good and bad things. Its also the year i get to know more frens and frens that are close to me are getting much more closer. Its also the year that i realise there are fucked up people in this world. People who onli care about themself... Talk big about themself but actualli cant do anything they said.
And leaving KFC wasnt easy for me. I have worked there for more than a year already. Colleagues and managers who were constantly changing.Being scolded by the managers. And even break the all time record for highest sales on my last day of work.
But all these are gonna change. No more work. No more Going jamming. Concentrating 95% on study and just 5% on football.
Im soooooo sad i dont know wat else to write.
Too many things goin on in my head.

18 Dec 2007

2007-12-05T22:45:00.000-08:00

Two important things going on that day
Futsal Tournament
KFC Chalet
Im training damn hard for the Futsal tournament
Its a damn northzone event
Whenever im not working im training
After work im training
Before work also im training
Den i have deal with all the shit while im at home
At work
And outside
Den i have to study
All the chapters i missed i must revise
How the hell am i supposed to train wit all this things goin on
Control temper

New Year: No more sadness???

2007-11-29T10:38:00.000-08:00

Next year i'll reduce my gaming time to onli an hour each day
That is if i go home.
I'll be sleeping at my grandparents house starting next year
Less stress and i could do more studying
I could go home before sunset everyday
And smoking would be reduced drastically
Daily pocket money would be increased
And i could still work
Cos my parents dont allow me to work but my grandparents allow
But at least i could concentrate better at my studies
No need to attend tuition every Sunday at Paya Lebar
And im gonna save money to but an electronic drumset
HAHA finally i could practice more
Well my new year resolution is to get myself a drumset
And after O level work at same place my mom's working
I could get 1k ea month so by two month i could get my drumset already
wow im seriously looking forward to next year
But to all my schoolmates reading
I WONT BE COMING TO SCHOOL ON THE 1st DAY
Thats one thing for sure
But i will be goin to school more often
Just to see her
Cos seeing her eases my heart
Its been 2 weeks since she went to Taiwan already
Well A month is not a long time actualli
But i know one thing
I NEVER get wat i want

Lucky to be born...

2007-11-27T23:41:00.000-08:00

My parents always said im a nuisance, that if i die it would make their life better
Well something like that...
But wat about my brother
Yesterday he went home all drunk
And vomit on the carpet
Isnt that gross
Imagine if i was the one drunk and vomited
My mom would already take her belt and whip me
But i dont want that
My whole life i drank twice and regretted it
Im moving on
I dont care wat people say about me anymore
I live my life my style my way
Although im damned rejected unwanted
I'll just forget about everything and carry on
And when im down I'll just simply think about you
And everything will change
OK IM OFF TO WORK

Im down...

2007-11-25T10:47:00.000-08:00

I donno wat to do anymore
My parents are seriously splitting up
And i cant stop them anymore
I dont care about me
But wat abt my younger siblings
My little sister is onli 4 years old & my lil brother is onli 10
I can live with Taufiq or my grandparents
But my lil sister...
without love from both parents
i've seen wat happened to pple without it
AHHHHHHHHHH
No one can help me already
My elder brothers are already grown up
FUCK FUCK FUCK
I HATE IT WEN THIS HAPPEN
Seriously hate it
It happened before wen i was young
And now again
Who shld i follow???
My father or mother???
My mother is all work but i think shes marrying a new person
My dad is all relax but i think gonna hv financial problems
If i follow my mom i think we're gonna quarrel every fuckin day
If i follow my dad den i'll be as lazy as him
If i live with my grandparents den i'll hv to be a good boy but at least hv some freedom
If i live with Taufiq den wat will my parents say
WHY THE FUCK MUST THEY SPLIT UP AFTER LIVING TOGETHER FOR MORE THAN 30 FUCKING YEARS
Yup thats all ive gt to say
i really need to talk to her

Busted!!!

2007-11-23T09:28:00.000-08:00

Borin....
Got caught by two bloody police officers
and they send me home awwwww
my parents had a very looong talk with them
not just because it was already 12.30 in the morning but i dont hv my IC with me wen they saw me
but wat do u expect me to do???
i was just sitting down at Tekong Park eating and talking
haha sad case
den kena lecture from my parent for half an hour
another sad case
cannot go home more than 12 already so sad
But TMR GO TOWN HAHA
but need to use money to make ez-link and IC
haizzzzzzzzzzz
work for nothing
yesterday i went to play golf with my grandfather
im quite proud with myself
i hit more than a hundred balls
and most of it were further than 100 metres
cant wait for the golf tourney in malaysia at the end of the year
i hope i win and get a new golf club hhaha
well i cant afford a new golf set
and my old ones are wearing out already
my grandfather gave it to me wen he won another golf set
he was the 1st person to hit a hole-in-one
in one of the course
ouh yah and another sad case
my manager who already like a dad to me was admitted to the hospital
and i didnt get to see him just now cos i was working
he need to clean he's stomach cos of food poisoning
ok i need to get a shut eye
hopefully i dreamed about her again
heehee i sleep
tmr gt soccer training

I learnt something today

2007-11-21T22:30:00.000-08:00

Wat do pple usually do during the holidays???
I myself donno...haha
Holiday to me is where i get a little taste of adulthood
I work and sleep and exercise and do a little revision
I remembered last years holiday
The 1st time i ever opened that damned bottle and drank it
And that was the last time too i wished
And i kinda did some research during the holiday
I looked for some interesting words to start my story
And guess wat words i found
Necrophilia, Induced Euphoria and wats that other word i forgot
Guess wat Necrophilia means?????
It means: an irresistible sexual attraction to dead bodies
Well i got that idea while listening to A little piece of heaven
By Avenged Sevenfold of cos
And induced euphoria means forced hapiness
But how could someone force u to be happy?
OK stop talking all this shit
Im just bored with nothing to write k
Ntin to do
And holiday isnt like holidays anymore
Yesterday i had a dream
I was in a dark dark place
All alone By myself
Well thats all that i dreamed of
well u cant blame me for sleeping just an hour
i went home early
about 3 in the morn but slept at 4
and woke up at 5
And i dont wanna talk about her
Not now byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebybeybeybeybeybeybeybeyebyebyebyebyebyebyeebyebyebyebyebyeyebyybeybeybeybeybeybeybeybeybeybeybbyebyebyebyebyeybyebeyey]'

Reflection

2007-11-17T10:13:00.001-08:00

Today was the 1st time i stared at myself in the mirror for 10 mins. I realised i've change soo much. I think i dont even know my self anymore. Where's that nerdy boy who usually goes to the library to study, research and hang out. The day everything change was on 4 Dec 2006. The day i started working. I smoked more than usual... I get agitated easily more than usual... Studying was like nothing anymore... I dont have time to chat with my parents... I always go home around 1++ I hate going home... Dats the day i started hating everything in this world that i used to enjoy...
Wats gonna become of me??? Ive turn myself into the thing i hated the most... I became like... my Brother... Always looking for fights... Lazy to go school... Lazy to take test... Sleep in class... likes to stay away from home...

I think its time to change

im gonna start on the same date it happen
04 Dec 2007
A whole new behavior
A whole new me
More time management
More money management
Smoking... Thats a disease i cant cure
And u... ESTHER YOU!!!
I think of u and cried..
I want you to be the one beside me
guiding me
leading me to the path that i once walk
that i once enjoyed being on
But thats not gonna happen is it
thats not gonna happen unless i do something
I hope Matt Shadows can help me again
but it will take months for him to reply my msg
well he is a busy person
But im gonna wait for u
im goin to wait until i see u being realli happy with another person
someone who wouldnt hurt u
someone who cared about u more than i do
thats wen i'll stop
i'll stop waiting for u
and said to myself..
My job here is done....

It really makes me cry

2007-11-16T23:19:00.000-08:00

Lying unwanted
Trampled on the ground
The feelings I expressed
Have been shot down I stand there rejected
As I watch you walk away
Leaving behind the heart
I shared with you today

Dear God

2007-11-16T23:11:00.000-08:00

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around
when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
and all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Im stupid am I?

2007-11-07T07:11:00.000-08:00

Today i did lots of stupid things
I kick this innocent guy right in the stomach cos im stressed
Im stressed cos i think im stupid
I cant even talk to her
Well at least i did smiled
My heart was beating faster than Slipknot's double peddle
Its the 1st time I looked at her and she looked back
Yet im still stupid arent i
I could hv said hi or something
AHHHH FUCK ME
Why the hell am i born with this fuckin brain
Ouh yeah and i dedicate my goal i scored to her and onli her
I cant even concentrate on the match
The whole time i was thinking about her
I want to call her but u all know
I have this sickness
I HAVE A HARD TIME TALKING TO GERLS
THE ONLI GERL I CAN TALK TO IS MY MOTHER
And we barely talk anymore
We usualli quarrel
Well once in a while i want to go home late
Just sit down with my members and talk
Joke around especially with Taufiq
If u put us together on a stage i think the whole crowd would be crying
Tears of laughter
Yeah i wished the whole world would be filled with laughter
No crying
No one feeling down
No one worrying about how to win a gerls heart
and keep her laughing
that is my wish
And to those who is reading this stupid blog of mine
I thank you
People always say i live a carefree life
but theyre wrong
I worry abt everything i do
But always make the wrong mistake
But im sure that loving her isnt a mistake
Im Sure
MATT SHADOWS SHOW ME THE PATH TO DARKNESS
darkness coats us(ouuuhuuuuuuuhuuhuhuuu)
The smell of fall
changing season

Yesterday was fun

2007-11-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday i hd a great day
Ive been conned $40 but thats all rite ahah
Ill pay my dad back wen i get my pay which is just next tuesday
And i was beaten up by 5 guys just because i accidentalli pushed them haha
But im alrite
Went jamming with Ramdhan
We had a mosh in the jamming room
If u dont know wats a mosh den ure kinda stupid or dumb
I used the drumstick to beat up Mael
haha and blocked he's kick
coool rite Ramdhan bought me my fav drink
Teh Tarik HAHA im like my father but i dont drink well not now
Still cant wait for Genting
And i had a very long chat with her
Shes going to Taiwan in about 2 weeks
So im gonna do my best to make her happi
Talked about my problems which automatically my hands wrote by itself
My brother returned home earlier than expected
He's fren took my sleeping place so i sleep in the balconi all alone on the hard ground
but its alrite
too bad cant watch the BIG match between Arsenal and Man u today
Stupid roadshow
Hate KFC but love working with my frens
Cant trust Isqandar now
He's such a blabber mouth
Feel like punching him but he's twice as big as me
My Star test is reaching
But no one is teaching me
I asked Yu Lun to help me
but he's all serious no fun
Does he know that everyone need to hv fun once a while
Im going to miss her wen she goes to Taiwan
Hopefully she call me one of the days
And last
Matt Shadows Return my mail After two long months
I told him about my life and said their song makes me relax
First word in he's mail was
FUCK
then he said i shld take this as a punishment
and a test from god
although we believe in different god
he rocked
he also said we hv to persevere in order to get wat we want
and thats wat im doin
i feel like asking her out
but im super shy
haha
OHH SHIt
and ive got to save money for Genting
Woah too much money used
im not RICH okay
But its now or never
rite
I will suffer for so long
To make it up to u
(i pray to god that i do)
i'll do wateva u want me to do
And if its not enuf
if its not enuf
try again and again
over and over again

LOVE MATT SHADOWS(im not GAY)

Saw her again

2007-10-30T10:45:00.001-07:00

Guess wat i saw dat gerl again.i dont know whether its real or im just hallucinating.Well high possibility that i was hallucinating.I saw her in front of me running towards the nearest block cos it was raining like shit.But she disappeared wen i went to the block.Haha well i am tired just coming home frm work and its like 1.30 in the morning and its raining like hell.Fought with Taufiq again.Cant believe he called me a small kid.Im just like a year younger than him.But sometimes he is more childish than me.Haha tmr sure apologize again.Our fight wont last a whole week.There was once wen he made me angry then i asked to settle outside.We went outside took off our shirt and i was ready to fight him but....like i said our fight dont last long.Din stop us,we talk,den we both went back to our usual life.Haha.I could say notin.We both are like brothers already.He help me and i help him.Guess wat guys i finalli got her number.She gave it to me.Well of course i asked her hehe

Today was like the most borin working day of my life.Because Yu Lun is working.He also is schooling at Riverside but this year is he's last year.He had worked at KFC for 3 years already i think and now is the 2 STAR supervisor of the restaurant.The retaurant manager wants me to take the 1 STAR test but im afraid of failing.I cant study well in school so how do u expect me to study for a test that u hv to know everything about anything haha.

TMR gonna be another borin day.Its my moms b'day and i hv to go to my grandma house to deliver things den go to KFC and buy some food for my mom then collect the cake she ordered at bengawan solo. I cant wait for the 7 november cos that the day i get my pay.Me and my band are goin jamming again.This time we are goin to play Darkness Surrounding by A7x.Hope i dont burst my vein just like matt shadows did while singing that song.We are also playin 3 songs frm the new A7x album.Afterlife,Critical Acclaim and Almost easy.All which i hv memorise the lyrics of the song.HAHA.Super good memory.KK gtg need to memorise the lyrics of Darkness Surrounding and Unholy Confessions.Bye and thanks for reading.

The whys and hows

2007-10-29T11:47:00.000-07:00

One day as i was just smoking outside of CWP a gerl approach me and ask me a question...
She ask me why am i smoking being young and all...
There was a sudden pause...
I thought about it for a moment but i could not find an answer...
I told her i dont know den she sat right beside me...
She kept on asking about my life although i dont know her...
Wen she had stop asking i asked her about herself...
There was a sudden pause too...
Den my manager went out and called out my name...
I turn but the gerl was nowhere to be seen...
I light up another stick but this time i was with my manager...
I ask him if he had seen any gerl beside me but he said he saw no one...
After finishing the ciggarette i went back to work...
I could not concentrate on work since then on...
Who the hell was i talking to???
Why is she so curious abt my life???
I didnt even get to know her name...
I went back early frm work that day and asked myself the same question she asked me
Why the hell am i smoking???
Why the hell am i wasting my life doing things that has no meaning i life?
I still could not answer that question...
I thought about it for the next few days...
Yet i could not find the answer
Den one day i went to school and saw her
Well it looked almost like her
it was this gerl frm 3/7
She seemed pretty,but frm the outside i could see someone in need of help...
Can someone please tell me wat all this means???
But how could i change someone if i dont change myself??
Frm that day onwards i tried to get close to her
But it seemed impossible to get to know her...
How i wish i would be less shy towards gerls...
How i wish i was a totalli different person...

Another Post haha

2007-10-28T11:53:00.000-07:00

It was fun at work my best fren and i cried as we said sori to each other and forgiving each other. Well every frenship hv misconception haha.Total burn marks on my hand now is...4. My fren call me stupid for burning my hand for a gerl but wat do i care. i cant wait for our KFC outing to Genting at 26 Oct 07. Im gonna enjoy like hell.Then after the outing im gonna study like hell. Well got to catch up with studies.IM SECOND LAST IN CLASS!!! CAN U BELIEVE IT?!?!?!But i dont care as long as i promote to Sec 4 is good enuf. And my aim for next year is to go to SP business school and be a donno wat. Well anything to do with business is good enuf.Maybe open a hotel haha.Cos its either that or i'll be a KFC manager.But being KFC manager sucks lots of problem and very tiring.My fren is psyco-ing me forcing me to work at Starbucks. Part of me want to but im afraid.Wat if she goes to Starbucks and saw me???So maluu...Hiya wat can i say im not rich wat i gt to pay for my handphone my school fees PLUS SAVE MONEY FOR GENTING.Another 20 more hours to Avenged Sevenfold new album cant wait. But ive already gt 7 of their songs but still im gonna buy it.Support Avenged Sevenfold for life!!!Thats a true fan word.Haha gtg now its 3 in the morn already tmr no school but i wanna go play soccer haha

Dont know wat to do now...

2007-10-28T00:45:00.000-07:00

This is my 1st time writing abt my life in the web.
I gotta say this 1st im not a good writer...Just creative and imaginative onli
Im fed up with my life now, just fed up. But at least my elder brother are not in the country, else idonno wats gonna happen to me. Been sleepin late and going home later because of this one gerl at school. i love her but she think im like every fucking guy out there,guys who cheats on gerls and lie about their whole life. Yesterday i saw two gerls at a playground and guess wat they were doing??? They were kissing each other u know!!! i think this happens wen gerl think too much but how shld i know im not a gerl im a boy.

I know that she could be facing some problems at home but ive talked to some of her classmates and they told me something abt her which is bad. But wat do i care. love is blind ill hv to deal with it. If u anyone is reading this please help me.Im Super Stressed out i burn my hand twice already because i need to work for money while study at school and deal with all the problems at home and outside. And yeah yesterday i had i fight with my best fren who is like a brother to me all because of ONE fuckin ciggarette. He won i lost and now ive got to go to work with a swollen hand HAHA. TO that gerl if u are reading this post i love you and always will cause ''somethings dont change''BYEBYE ALL OF YOU I GTG TO WORK NOW!!