New Year: No more sadness???

Next year i'll reduce my gaming time to onli an hour each day
That is if i go home.
I'll be sleeping at my grandparents house starting next year
Less stress and i could do more studying
I could go home before sunset everyday
And smoking would be reduced drastically
Daily pocket money would be increased
And i could still work
Cos my parents dont allow me to work but my grandparents allow
But at least i could concentrate better at my studies
No need to attend tuition every Sunday at Paya Lebar
And im gonna save money to but an electronic drumset
HAHA finally i could practice more
Well my new year resolution is to get myself a drumset
And after O level work at same place my mom's working
I could get 1k ea month so by two month i could get my drumset already
wow im seriously looking forward to next year
But to all my schoolmates reading
I WONT BE COMING TO SCHOOL ON THE 1st DAY
Thats one thing for sure
But i will be goin to school more often
Just to see her
Cos seeing her eases my heart
Its been 2 weeks since she went to Taiwan already
Well A month is not a long time actualli
But i know one thing
I NEVER get wat i want

Lucky to be born...

My parents always said im a nuisance, that if i die it would make their life better
Well something like that...
But wat about my brother
Yesterday he went home all drunk
And vomit on the carpet
Isnt that gross
Imagine if i was the one drunk and vomited
My mom would already take her belt and whip me
But i dont want that
My whole life i drank twice and regretted it
Im moving on
I dont care wat people say about me anymore
I live my life my style my way
Although im damned rejected unwanted
I'll just forget about everything and carry on
And when im down I'll just simply think about you
And everything will change
OK IM OFF TO WORK

Im down...

I donno wat to do anymore
My parents are seriously splitting up
And i cant stop them anymore
I dont care about me
But wat abt my younger siblings
My little sister is onli 4 years old & my lil brother is onli 10
I can live with Taufiq or my grandparents
But my lil sister...
without love from both parents
i've seen wat happened to pple without it
AHHHHHHHHHH
No one can help me already
My elder brothers are already grown up
FUCK FUCK FUCK
I HATE IT WEN THIS HAPPEN
Seriously hate it
It happened before wen i was young
And now again
Who shld i follow???
My father or mother???
My mother is all work but i think shes marrying a new person
My dad is all relax but i think gonna hv financial problems
If i follow my mom i think we're gonna quarrel every fuckin day
If i follow my dad den i'll be as lazy as him
If i live with my grandparents den i'll hv to be a good boy but at least hv some freedom
If i live with Taufiq den wat will my parents say
WHY THE FUCK MUST THEY SPLIT UP AFTER LIVING TOGETHER FOR MORE THAN 30 FUCKING YEARS
Yup thats all ive gt to say
i really need to talk to her

Busted!!!

Borin....
Got caught by two bloody police officers
and they send me home awwwww
my parents had a very looong talk with them
not just because it was already 12.30 in the morning but i dont hv my IC with me wen they saw me
but wat do u expect me to do???
i was just sitting down at Tekong Park eating and talking
haha sad case
den kena lecture from my parent for half an hour
another sad case
cannot go home more than 12 already so sad
But TMR GO TOWN HAHA
but need to use money to make ez-link and IC
haizzzzzzzzzzz
work for nothing
yesterday i went to play golf with my grandfather
im quite proud with myself
i hit more than a hundred balls
and most of it were further than 100 metres
cant wait for the golf tourney in malaysia at the end of the year
i hope i win and get a new golf club hhaha
well i cant afford a new golf set
and my old ones are wearing out already
my grandfather gave it to me wen he won another golf set
he was the 1st person to hit a hole-in-one
in one of the course
ouh yah and another sad case
my manager who already like a dad to me was admitted to the hospital
and i didnt get to see him just now cos i was working
he need to clean he's stomach cos of food poisoning
ok i need to get a shut eye
hopefully i dreamed about her again
heehee i sleep
tmr gt soccer training

I learnt something today

Wat do pple usually do during the holidays???
I myself donno...haha
Holiday to me is where i get a little taste of adulthood
I work and sleep and exercise and do a little revision
I remembered last years holiday
The 1st time i ever opened that damned bottle and drank it
And that was the last time too i wished
And i kinda did some research during the holiday
I looked for some interesting words to start my story
And guess wat words i found
Necrophilia, Induced Euphoria and wats that other word i forgot
Guess wat Necrophilia means?????
It means: an irresistible sexual attraction to dead bodies
Well i got that idea while listening to A little piece of heaven
By Avenged Sevenfold of cos
And induced euphoria means forced hapiness
But how could someone force u to be happy?
OK stop talking all this shit
Im just bored with nothing to write k
Ntin to do
And holiday isnt like holidays anymore
Yesterday i had a dream
I was in a dark dark place
All alone By myself
Well thats all that i dreamed of
well u cant blame me for sleeping just an hour
i went home early
about 3 in the morn but slept at 4
and woke up at 5
And i dont wanna talk about her
Not now byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebybeybeybeybeybeybeybeyebyebyebyebyebyebyeebyebyebyebyebyeyebyybeybeybeybeybeybeybeybeybeybeybbyebyebyebyebyeybyebeyey]'

Reflection

Today was the 1st time i stared at myself in the mirror for 10 mins. I realised i've change soo much. I think i dont even know my self anymore. Where's that nerdy boy who usually goes to the library to study, research and hang out. The day everything change was on 4 Dec 2006. The day i started working. I smoked more than usual... I get agitated easily more than usual... Studying was like nothing anymore... I dont have time to chat with my parents... I always go home around 1++ I hate going home... Dats the day i started hating everything in this world that i used to enjoy...
Wats gonna become of me??? Ive turn myself into the thing i hated the most... I became like... my Brother... Always looking for fights... Lazy to go school... Lazy to take test... Sleep in class... likes to stay away from home...

I think its time to change

im gonna start on the same date it happen
04 Dec 2007
A whole new behavior
A whole new me
More time management
More money management
Smoking... Thats a disease i cant cure
And u... ESTHER YOU!!!
I think of u and cried..
I want you to be the one beside me
guiding me
leading me to the path that i once walk
that i once enjoyed being on
But thats not gonna happen is it
thats not gonna happen unless i do something
I hope Matt Shadows can help me again
but it will take months for him to reply my msg
well he is a busy person
But im gonna wait for u
im goin to wait until i see u being realli happy with another person
someone who wouldnt hurt u
someone who cared about u more than i do
thats wen i'll stop
i'll stop waiting for u
and said to myself..
My job here is done....

It really makes me cry

Lying unwanted
Trampled on the ground
The feelings I expressed
Have been shot down I stand there rejected
As I watch you walk away
Leaving behind the heart
I shared with you today

Dear God

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around
when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
and all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Im stupid am I?

Today i did lots of stupid things
I kick this innocent guy right in the stomach cos im stressed
Im stressed cos i think im stupid
I cant even talk to her
Well at least i did smiled
My heart was beating faster than Slipknot's double peddle
Its the 1st time I looked at her and she looked back
Yet im still stupid arent i
I could hv said hi or something
AHHHH FUCK ME
Why the hell am i born with this fuckin brain
Ouh yeah and i dedicate my goal i scored to her and onli her
I cant even concentrate on the match
The whole time i was thinking about her
I want to call her but u all know
I have this sickness
I HAVE A HARD TIME TALKING TO GERLS
THE ONLI GERL I CAN TALK TO IS MY MOTHER
And we barely talk anymore
We usualli quarrel
Well once in a while i want to go home late
Just sit down with my members and talk
Joke around especially with Taufiq
If u put us together on a stage i think the whole crowd would be crying
Tears of laughter
Yeah i wished the whole world would be filled with laughter
No crying
No one feeling down
No one worrying about how to win a gerls heart
and keep her laughing
that is my wish
And to those who is reading this stupid blog of mine
I thank you
People always say i live a carefree life
but theyre wrong
I worry abt everything i do
But always make the wrong mistake
But im sure that loving her isnt a mistake
Im Sure
MATT SHADOWS SHOW ME THE PATH TO DARKNESS
darkness coats us(ouuuhuuuuuuuhuuhuhuuu)
The smell of fall
changing season

Yesterday was fun

Yesterday i hd a great day
Ive been conned $40 but thats all rite ahah
Ill pay my dad back wen i get my pay which is just next tuesday
And i was beaten up by 5 guys just because i accidentalli pushed them haha
But im alrite
Went jamming with Ramdhan
We had a mosh in the jamming room
If u dont know wats a mosh den ure kinda stupid or dumb
I used the drumstick to beat up Mael
haha and blocked he's kick
coool rite Ramdhan bought me my fav drink
Teh Tarik HAHA im like my father but i dont drink well not now
Still cant wait for Genting
And i had a very long chat with her
Shes going to Taiwan in about 2 weeks
So im gonna do my best to make her happi
Talked about my problems which automatically my hands wrote by itself
My brother returned home earlier than expected
He's fren took my sleeping place so i sleep in the balconi all alone on the hard ground
but its alrite
too bad cant watch the BIG match between Arsenal and Man u today
Stupid roadshow
Hate KFC but love working with my frens
Cant trust Isqandar now
He's such a blabber mouth
Feel like punching him but he's twice as big as me
My Star test is reaching
But no one is teaching me
I asked Yu Lun to help me
but he's all serious no fun
Does he know that everyone need to hv fun once a while
Im going to miss her wen she goes to Taiwan
Hopefully she call me one of the days
And last
Matt Shadows Return my mail After two long months
I told him about my life and said their song makes me relax
First word in he's mail was
FUCK
then he said i shld take this as a punishment
and a test from god
although we believe in different god
he rocked
he also said we hv to persevere in order to get wat we want
and thats wat im doin
i feel like asking her out
but im super shy
haha
OHH SHIt
and ive got to save money for Genting
Woah too much money used
im not RICH okay
But its now or never
rite
I will suffer for so long
To make it up to u
(i pray to god that i do)
i'll do wateva u want me to do
And if its not enuf
if its not enuf
try again and again
over and over again

LOVE MATT SHADOWS(im not GAY)